Post by anusham163 on Sept 26, 2012 8:33:31 GMT 5.5
I have some doubts on the above subject. I have read "Deivathin Kural ---vols. 1,2 and 3 ( and now on vol.4). Mahaperiava has elaborately dealt on this especially, on the conduct of the marriage , varadhakshinai evil, proper age for marriage for girls, and how the present day brahmins have neglected what is mentioned in saasthraas and introduced unacceptable 'sampradhayams' etc.
There are so many sects and subsects in the Brahmin community like, Brahacharnam, vadama etc Iyers, Iyengars, madhvas and so on. In each one of these there are again further sub--sub--sects.
Mahaperiava, in one place, has said that if ' ghunam' ' khulam' are ok, nothing else should come in the way for proceeding with the alliance.
I also know that the boy and the girl should not belong to the same gothra.
But, on the question of insisting on the sect and subsect, I am ignorant of what the sastras say on this vis--a--vis what the present day parents follow and most importantly, what has Mahaperiava said on this point.
Another point, where there is no clarity is the so called 'GOOD' stars and 'BAD' stars ( example:: Aayilyam and Mulam are ' bad 'stars for girls). Mahaperiava has clearly said on many occasions that one's good and bad is ENTIRELY the result of one's poorva janma paava punniyam and is not due to somebody else's star.
But, the present day brahmins are putting too much emphasis on the above two aspects .
I want to get my above two doubts clarified.
Will our moderator of dharma sastras , Sri Sarma sasthrikal be kind enough to enlighten us on this?
It is true that Maha Periava did make the statements attributed to him, but I am afraid he is being quoted selectively - and if one goes through any (or all) of is anugraha bhashan fully there will not be any need for others to explain further. All of his speeches are both self explanatory and authentic.
Mahaperiyava has always advocated a reasonable approach to issues like sects, horoscope-matching and dowry in relation to marriages. His point was: you may make allowances for discrepancies in horoscopes, difference in sub-sects or giving/taking of dowry, if the alliance is sound in respect of the families' mental match, the alignment of gotra and agreement at the basic level, of the boy/girl and their families liking each other and finding a lot in common. Nowhere did he say "horoscope matching is unnecessary, or sub-sects should not be a factor at all when looking for an alliance". They have their place, but exception can always be made if there are valid grounds for doing so. This is how I feel Mahaperiyava's anugraha bhashana should be read.
And such exceptions have been made by elders even earlier, as far back as in the 50s. To quote a personal example my father married my mother when they were 11 and 9 respectively, without matching horoscopes and with a token dowry only. While on the subject I may say that Sastras do allow dowry if one is affordable.
In the matter of horoscope matching or marrying only in the same sub-sect (like Adam, ash ta-sahasram or brihacharanam), it is more driven by the tradition, the sampradaya of the concerned families, than by the rules laid down in the Sastras. It is done usually in deference to the wishes of elders in the family who are loved and respected, and should there be an issue of misalignment on this score in an otherwise 'good' alliance, efforts are successfully taken to persuade the elders and go through with the marriage. The Sastras are quite liberal and not very rigid on these issues, to the best of my knowledge.
And as regards dowry, the current scenario in our Brahmin community is so much in favour of the girls that the boy's family dare not ask for dowry!
So in my opinion all these have become non-issues nowadays. What Brahmin families should be far more worried about are the increasing number of marriages of Brahmin girls or boys outside the Brahmin caste, and in many cases outside the Hindu religion itself.
Has this also not happened in the past? Sure it has, but the numbers were small, and there was no ready acceptance for it from the concerned families. They would agree to it only as a last resort and the function would be conducted quietly, in a small way. But today we see parents encourage and approve of inter-caste and inter-religious marriages and celebrate it with pomp and extravagance. There is not an iota of regret or sorrow for the Brahmin culture being vitiated In fact I have an invitation right now with me of a such a marriage in which the parents have the cheek to mention that it is taking place with the blessings of Kanchi Maha Periava! This is what I said above, re: quoting Mahaperiyava out of context to suit personal convenience. This is a deplorable practice.
And the other major cause for concern should be the rapidly increasing incidence of divorce in Brahmin marriages. The menace has taken, it seems, a firm hold in our midst and Brahmin girls and boys are seen separating for the slightest reasons which are blown out of proportion as 'irreconcilable differences'. I had occasion to visit the family court sometime back, and was grievously shocked to find more than half the cases were from the Brahmin community. Extract of Maha Periyaval's words : It would be worth concluding my anguished plea for our addressing the foregoing issues, with an extract of Maha Periyaval's words on the subject. We can find viable answers for each of these pressing problems in the great seer's wonderful thoughts.
".....It must be noted that a wife creates well-being for the world even as she does the work of cooking or is a source of sensual gratification for her husband. I will tell you how. It is not that she cooks for the husband alone. She has to provide food every day to the guests, to the sick and to the birds and beasts and other creatures. This is how she serves the purpose of "atithyam" and "vaisvadevam". The children born to here are not to be taken as the product of pleasure she affords her husband. She gives birth to them to perpetuate the Vedic dharma. Yes, even the raising of sons is intended for the dharmic life of the future. No other religion has before it such a goal for the marriage samskara. In our religion the man-wife relationship is not concerned with the mundane alone. It serves the Atman as well as the good of mankind.
In other religions too marriages are conducted, say, in a church with God as witness. But ideal of marriage is not as lofty as ours. The purpose of marriage in our religion is to purify the husband further and to make the wife his devoted and self-effacing companion.
There is no such high purpose in the marriage of other religion. In other countries the man-woman relationship is akin to a family or social contract. Here it is an Atman connection. But this very connection is a means of disconnection also - of freeing the Atman, the self, from the bondage of worldly existence. There is no room for divorce in it. Even to think of it is sinful.
[To sum up and further explain] The three objectives of Vivaha samskara: The first is to unite a man with a helpmate after he has completed the study of Vedas. This helpmate is expected not only to run his household but assist him in the practice of the Vedic dharma. The second is to bring forth, into this world, children of noble outlook and character who are to be heirs to the great Vedic tradition, citizens of the future who will be the source of happiness in this world. The third is to create a means for women to be freed from worldly existence. A man who is not yet fully mature inwardly is assisted in his karma by his wife.
By doing so, by being totally devoted to her husband, she achieves maturity to a degree greater than he does. The fourth objective is sensual gratification and it is distinctly subordinate to the first three. But we have forgotten the first three important objectives. All that remains is the fourth, the enjoyment of carnal pleasure. If people take my advice in respect of the noble ideals of marriage as taught in the sastras a way will open out to them for their inner advancement. May Chandramaulisvara bless them.
Post by venkatasubramanan on Jan 6, 2013 9:10:55 GMT 5.5
I am not able to understand the word varadakshnai for it is being misused by many parents as it does not end up in taking cash. Insisting for a costly celebration like spending in marriage halls arranging high cost food etc are also part of demand. Maha periava advised to restrict the use of silk sarees in marriages. Regrettably, persons who mention in their invitation with the blessings of Periava are spending more on costly silk sarees. The style of serving food, pattern, varieties above all wastage of foods are not in tune with the advice of periava.
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